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What to Expect From the Divorce Process

By Sauser and Blair, P.A.

If you are currently facing a divorce, you are probably wondering what to expect from the
divorce process. Just as no two marriages are alike, however, no two divorces are alike or have
the exact same outcome either. Predictability and divorce do not go together. Still, an
experienced family law attorney will be able to give you some idea of what to expect before,
during and after your divorce. Armed with realistic expectations, you will have the best chance
of being satisfied with the end result of your divorce.

What a Divorce Can and Cannot do for You

Normally, people contemplating divorce have some idea of what to expect from a divorce. They
have witnessed divorces on television and in movies, and often personally know at least a
handful of people who have been through a divorce. Increasingly, people have also experienced
their own parents' divorce. In spite of this "second-hand" experience, facing your own divorce is
one of the more frightening events in life. Not only do you face a court-sanctioned ending of
possibly one of the more significant relationships you have ever had, you also must begin to
think about such unpleasant things as the division of property and new living accommodations.
In many cases, there is also the unhappy prospect of no longer seeing your children on a daily
basis. While divorce may not be the hardest thing that your life has to offer, neither will it be a
panacea for all your current problems and negative emotions. Consequently, it is wise to
understand the realities of what a divorce can and cannot do for you.

What Divorce Can Do

A divorce court will attempt to divide the property of a marriage in an economic way to achieve
a fair and equitable result. Maryland excludes from this division any property that was acquired
prior to the marriage or that was acquired via gift or inheritance. Joint property is sold and the
proceeds divided. Inequality in the value of the property in the individual names of the parties
can be modified by means of a monetary award. Pensions, retirements and IRA's are usually
divided by means of a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). This distribution will be
done differently depending on the circumstances of each particular case. That is why it is often
difficult for attorneys to predict exactly how the divorce court will handle the division of a
couple's property.

Because the division of property is never predictable, if you have a strong need for some item of
property, it may be best to have your attorney negotiate and settle the property distribution ahead
of time with your spouse or his/her attorney. In this manner, you can attempt to strike a mutually
satisfying agreement for dividing property with your spouse. Courts will also determine a
couple's support obligations. This can come in the form of child support and spousal support
(a/k/a alimony). Child support payments are now largely set by state law, however, deviation
from those standards is possible. Also, child support orders may depend on the custody
arrangements ordered. In general, spousal support largely depends on the facts and circumstances
of each particular couple. Therefore, here again, any attempt at predicting a court's ultimate
support decision may be problematic.

Aside from the distribution of wealth, the other main function of the divorce court is to set child
custody and visitation schedules. This, too, is anything but predictable. While courts often try to
make their decision based on a set of factors said to promote the "best interest" of the child, these
decisions can vary from case to case and court to court. After all, human judges, who are
influenced by their own beliefs, opinions and values, apply these factors. Further, judges usually
see and hear only the worst of people during heated custody proceedings. Based on their limited
"view" into the parents' lives, a divorce court may not always make the "best" possible decision
when it comes to custody. Here again, mediation, negotiation and settlement are important
options to remember. Everybody, especially, your children will benefit by a cooperative child
custody arrangement.

What Divorce Will Not Do

A divorce cannot accomplish an exact, mathematically equal division of property and equal time
with children. Because no two people, no two marriages and no two divorces are alike, the judge
who enters a divorce order must make the best decision with the limited time and information
available. It may not always be the fairest possible decision that could have been reached and it
is certain not to favor you individually in every possible way. Divorce courts often have to make
the best of terrible circumstances. For instance, there can be no satisfactory custody arrangement
when one parent lives in Cheyenne, Wyoming and the other lives in Frederick, Maryland. It just
is not possible. Furthermore, even though a court can set custody and visitation arrangements, it
will not be present every Friday when it is time for mom to drop off the kids, and it will not
spend the weekend with dad, making sure he does not make snide comments about mom around
the children. Although you can keep dragging your ex back into court, this is both frustrating and
expensive. Unfortunately, at some level, a court order is just a piece of paper. Mom and dad will
STILL have to deal civilly with each other to carry out the terms of the custody and visitation
order. Divorce does not take away your responsibility towards your children, and this includes
dealing with their other parent, because divorce does not make your ex-spouse any less your
child's parent.

You should also recognize that a divorce court cannot increase your salary to prevent your
standard of living from declining once you divorce. Unfortunately, from an economic standpoint,
it is simply much cheaper for two people to live together, sharing expenses, than it is to maintain
two separate households. Divorce will change your standard of living and there is little, if
anything, the court can do about the change. Finally, a court will not be able to punish your exspouse
or morally vindicate you for all of the bad things that happened while you were married.
Moreover, the divorce process will not heal your emotional wounds or even take away the
necessity of grieving the failed relationship. That is your job, although you can seek assistance
through therapists and support groups.

This article courtesy of http://library.findlaw.com/2000/Oct/1/130117.html